In a shocking turn of events, everyone seems to be on Kobe’s you-know-what these days. First, The New York Times publishes an article claiming Kobe has been rival-less his entire career; Then, Shaq goes on the record by tweeting “I want kobe bryant to get number four, spread da word”; Even Mr. President himself goes on the record picking the Lakers, in six. But of course leave it to a journeyman nerd from Guadeloupe (where?) to make waves by deciding to ditch his Kobe sneaks in favor of Jordans. You know what Mickael Pietrus, good — you didn’t deserve to wear them anyways. Ironically, Kobe will be rivaling MJ’s legacy while dropping dimes on some ugly dude wearing #23′s kicks. The NBA — where “in your eye” happens.

(Photo courtesy of LATimes.com)

Stopped into a favorite LA lunch spot last week only to have the waiter hand me the number “23″ — in burgundy and white no less. Does homeboy at the counter not watch the incessant Sportcenter/Vitamin Water/Nike puppet Kobe v. Lebron banter bombarding us all day long? And in Los Angeles of all places. Shame on you, Mr. Cashier. Orlando in 5.

“He can’t stop me!”

OK, so the phone is not an official Los Angeles Lakers product by any means, but I know my main man Kobe would approve. So would Jerry Buss. Shok made it official the other night that it is time to start thinking about Coachella, so this is the first move I think I’m gonna make on my mission to gear up for the desert. Make your own rendition at www.colorware.com. And at a price tag of $149 – $189, you may want to really try and not drop your phone wrecklessly on the concrete…again.

I have a man-crush, and I’m not afraid to say it. He is the coolest guy I have ever met. OK, so I haven’t really ever met him but I feel like I know him. I’ve watched his performances, his interviews, all of his commercials, and I even wear his jersey to sleep when I’m lonely. I can even tell when he’s gotten a haircut just by a quick glance. I love Nike, he is Nike’s main man (sorry Bron). I love FC Barcelona, he’s practically their coach. I love the Lakers, Kobe bleeds purple and gold. I loved “Inside Man,” Kobe is doing a documentary with Spike Lee. And just when you thought there was trouble in Lakerland, homeboy goes off for 61 points and breaks (yet another) Jordan record. See where I am going with this? Kobe Bryant is the world’s coolest dude, and I love him.

I am so frustrated that Andrew Bynum is AGAIN injured with a torn MCL that at this point I think we should just take him out back behind Staples Center and just shoot him like they do horses. Although he may be the missing link to our next championship he is no good to us on the sidelines in a pimped-out suit and some diamond bling-bling. So If he can’t keep his feet in place, or his balance for that matter, I think we should have him replaced/shot/beaten/whatever.