This funniness came in a chain email I actually decided to read rather than auto-delete.

You know you live in Hollywood when….

- You’ve seen someone tip a bathroom attendant with a line

- Your 16 year old sister can get into more clubs than you can

- Your 16 year old sister slept with a guy who was on a season of The Real World… that aired when she was 7

- If you’re a girl… you can’t remember the last time you dated a guy under 35

- If you’re a guy… you can’t remember the last time you dated a girl over the age of 19

- You are reading this right now thinking that you probably should have carded her to be sure she was REALLY 19

- You’ve found yourself awake at stranger’s house in hills at 6:45am on a Tuesday morning snapping pictures of the sunrise with your cell phone… and didn’t think anything strange of it

- You have the addresses of several popular afterhours party spots programmed in your phone though you’ve never even met the owners of the houses

- You secretly go to the Saddle Ranch on Friday and Saturday nights to pick up on tourists

- Nearly every girl you know has had the same creepy old guy offer to take her “shopping”

- You’ve gone out to dinner with someone to “talk business” only to discover that the so-called “agent” was only interested in casting himself into your pants

- You can spot a fake Louis Vutton bag from a mile away

- You think any car worth less than 100K is a bucket

- You’ve dated someone you met at Whole Foods

- Fountain St. has changed your life

- You can name 3 of Paris Hilton’s cars

- Everyone you know is either LOADED or FLAT BROKE

- You hate The Hills but you watch it anyways

- You’ve told someone you eat at Urth Caffe more often than you actually do because you thought it will get them to think you were cool… and it worked!
- You wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything Ed Hardy (Though you still can’t bring yourself to throw away the trucker hat)

- You have a friend who thinks they are a celebrity because they were caught in the background of a TMZ video

- You get more “promoter texts” on a Monday than people who live in other cities get in a month

- You have a 944 photo as your myspace/facebook default pic, but secretly wish it was one of those cool Wire Image ones with your name on the bottom

- You actually DO have a Wire Image photo as your default pic, and therefore feel like you’ve
finally “made it”!

- You don’t even blink when a 60-year-old man gets into Les Deux before you do

- Getting “back to nature” is a visit to Runyon Canyon

- You open up a playboy and see the girl who was doing lines off of your counter/cock/boobs the night before

- You see Ralph from the Scorpions more often than you see your own parents

- You know at least one Pink Dot driver by name

- You would never date someone with an 818 phone number… for good reason

- When watching Entourage or the Hills you get excited when they go to a restaurant or club you’ve been to… and it makes you feel like you are cooler than your friends who live in shitty places like Cleveland.
- You spend the first 10 minutes of your work day deleting Facebook evites

- You become secretly FURIOUS when a friend of yours throws their birthday party
at a club that is no longer “cool”, knowing you might actually be seen there

- You or people you know actually believe Chin Chin’s to be good chinese food
- It starts raining and everyone forgets how to drive

- The club you went to last night has had 3 different names in the last 9 months

- You have happily waited over 30 minutes in line to eat off of the Kogi roach coach

- You partied with AM when he was fat, Jessica Simpson when she was skinny, and Lance Bass when he was straight

- 50 year old rich guys are constantly whisking your girlfriends away to Cabo

- If you are female, upon arriving in Hollywood, you are handed a script to recite should you get stuck waiting outside of a club. It goes something like this, “OMGGG this is soooo stupid, I like NEVER wait outside of a club. Ugh. Omg. Fuck this. I’m leaving… In 5 more minutes.”

- If you are male, you don’t know what they are talking about because although you have been there 3 weeks in a row you have yet to see the inside of the club

- You have taken a 5 minute cab ride that somehow cost 25 dollars

- Although you can crack the velvet rope of any nightclub in the city within seconds… every Sunday you still find yourself waiting 20 minutes to get a table at Toast

Came across a very interesting article in TIME Magazine the other day about the unintended-Facebook-demographic: old folks. Yes, grandma and grandpa bear. Seems like every day another perverted uncle or friend’s parent requests me to be their friend, so this story kinda hits home. The writer, an old fart himself, breaks down the business in a top-ten format (taken directly from Time.com):

1. Facebook is about finding people you’ve lost track of. And, son, we’ve lost track of more people than you’ve ever met. Remember who you went to prom with junior year? See, we don’t. We’ve gone through multiple schools, jobs and marriages. Each one of those came with a complete cast of characters, most of whom we have forgotten existed. But Facebook never forgets.

2. We’re no longer bitter about high school. You’re probably still hung up on any number of petty slights, but when that person who used to call us that thing we’re not going to mention here, because it really stuck, asks us to be friends on Facebook, we happily friend that person. Because we’re all grown up now. We’re bigger than that. Or some of us are, anyway. We’re in therapy, and it’s going really well. These are just broad generalizations. Next reason.

3. We never get drunk at parties and get photographed holding beer bottles in suggestive positions. We wish we still did that. But we don’t.

4. Facebook isn’t just a social network; it’s a business network. And unlike, say, college students, we actually have jobs. What’s the point of networking with people who can’t hire you? Not that we’d want to work with anyone your age anyway. Given the recession — and the amount of time we spend on Facebook — a bunch of hungry, motivated young guns is the last thing we need around here.

5. We’re lazy. We have jobs and children and houses and substance-abuse problems to deal with. At our age, we don’t want to do anything. What we want is to hear about other people doing things and then judge them for it. Which is what news feeds are for.

6. We’re old enough that pictures from grade school or summer camp look nothing like us. These days, the only way to identify us is with Facebook tags.

7. We have children. There is very little that old people enjoy more than forcing others to pay attention to pictures of their children. Facebook is the most efficient engine ever devised for this.

8. We’re too old to remember e-mail addresses. You have to understand: we have spent decades drinking diet soda out of aluminum cans. That stuff catches up with you. We can’t remember friends’ e-mail addresses. We can barely remember their names.

9. We don’t understand Twitter. Literally. It makes no sense to us.

10. We’re not cool, and we don’t care. There was a time when it was cool to be on Facebook. That time has passed. Facebook now has 150 million members, and its fastest-growing demographic is 30 and up. At this point, it’s way cooler not to be on Facebook. We’ve ruined it for good, just like we ruined Twilight and skateboarding. So git! And while you’re at it, you damn kids better get off our lawn too.

Well maybe he hasn’t quite joined yet but he did just start a Google channel and just this week the (AP) released a statement saying social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace can foster friendships and understanding, but they also can isolate people and marginalize others. The release went on to say, Benedict welcomes as a “gift” new technologies such as social networking sites, saying they respond to the “fundamental desire” of people to communicate. But he also warns that “obsessive” virtual socializing can isolate people from real interaction and deepen the digital divide by excluding those already marginalized. He urges producers to ensure that the content respects human dignity and the “goodness and intimacy of human sexuality.” What if the Pope had a secret weird obsession with Facebook… how weird would it be if he friend requested your little brother?

Natalie Dylan a 22 year old student from San Diego is auctioning her virginity to the highest bidder. Going once! Going twice! Not quite SOLD…just yet. But in all seriousness Natalie who is a native Californian says she personally doesn’t consider it prostitution, but more of a win-win situation. Ya right you gold digger! Natalie which is not her real name (if you’re trying to look her up on facebook, I’ve already tried) is using the infamous Bunny Ranch in Nevada as her pimp daddy and has bidders lined up at $3.8 million, as well as offers for a potential movie deal and quite possibly a book deal as well. I’m sorry to break it to you Nat, but I personally wouldn’t pay $3.80 to sleep with you, and I’m sure whichever loser does wont even last a minute.

(Story found on Flisted.com)

Several millenia ago, Moses triumphantly brought us The Ten Commandments and gave civilization a solid moral standard to live by. Many generations (and blunts) later, the Notorious B.I.G. blessed us with his Ten Crack Commandments, finally laying to rest the age old question of whether or not we should we get high on our own supply (we should not). Today, in 2008, we find ourselves in a  BlackBerry world and with that, the greatest communication apparatus of the 21st century: BBM or Black Berry Messenger for you uncivilized touchscreeners. As with any blessing, however, there comes heavy responsibility. With that said, ‘the doc’ and I present to you THE TEN BBM COMMANDMENTS. Please PING!!! responsibly…

1. Thou shalt not steal bbm symbols and abuse their usage so the original owner can no longer use them

2. Thou shalt never use more than 2 letter variations (Ä®ç) in your BBM name

3. Thou shalt not change your status to signify places you will be at for less than one hour (i.e. drycleaners, no; Lakers game, yes)

4. Thou status should be breif, to the point and above all funny/clever/witty

5. Thou shalt not change your name more than three times in a single 24-hour period

6. Thou shalt post your new PIN for at least one full day upon swapping thy Berry out (or risk a Board-approved deletion)

7. Thou shalt always PING!!! those who (believe) they are above PING!!!

8. Thou shalt add friends that send you their pin via text; it is rude and unacceptable to respond back to a PIN text with your own PIN

9. Thou shalt not make your status unavailable unless at the following places: a funeral, a flight, in class, getting massagey (regular and special), and of course, “in a meeting”

10. And last but not least, if you have a heart in your name and you are a male, you are gay. If you have a heart in your name and you are a female, you are a slut. (Unless of course you are related to us, which in that case, change your fucking name) ]]> http://www.helloooooo.com/2008/12/the-ten-bbm-commandments/feed/ 22