(Originally published on Helloooooo.com April 14, 2009)

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Hipsters: Coachella is almost upon us. With that, there are certain responsibilities and acceptable behaviors that one must abide by when attending The Festival of All Festivals. Count your blessings because the Commandments below are ten years in the making from the same folks who brought you the Ten BBM Commandments. Also, if you have not started starving yourself yet, then by all means go get yourself the largest cup of Ultra-Extreme-Columbian coffee 7-Eleven sells, kick your feet up, and pay close attention. Without further ado, Gilberto, Shok and The Doc present The Ten Coachella Commandments…

1. Never ever let your friends convince you to put down the $5,000 security deposit on your rental home. All the “I promise to pay you back”‘s in the world will not magically take money out of your friends’ bank and land it into your over-drafted account. (Side note: If you are renting a home from a family by the name of ‘Zimmerman,’ return your deposit and tell them to go fuck themselves — trust).

2. Don’t tell anybody you have bought your ticket or even done anything that would remotely suggest that you have your plans figured out…this could put you in a position to figure out their plans too.

3. Don’t be seen in the “Beer Garden” — people might think you are broke, the recession has affected you, and you cannot afford VIP.

4. Be cautious when taking the biggest SUV among your friends down to the concert; though you will get the most bang for your buck (read: Artist Parking Pass), you can expect a great deal of arguing as either a) one of the 12 people in the car’s ecstasy wears off, b) one friend wants to stay for Felix the Cat (who?), or c) you are lucky enough to be with one of “those” people who can only use hotel toilets.

Gilberto’s 2006 Coachella Ho

5. Don’t be caught dead putting “House of Hype” as your blackberry status — even if you are staying there.

6. Don’t forget to fill up your house’s kitchen with the basics: Gatorade (orange, obviously), tequila, flour tortillas, cheese, water, Crown, club soda, Doritos (red), eggs, cold cuts, and of course beer (for those annoying “how do I know you?” guests who roll up empty-handed).

7. If any of your friends is adamant that they are not going to Coachella, they for sure are going. If they call you in the days before the festival, they for sure are trying to “crash on your couch.” Our advice: Don’t answer their calls or open their BBMs. Again — trust.

8. Don’t complain about the line-up and how three years ago was soooooo much better. Shut the fuck up, put on your American Apparel tee, and enjoy the show. And while you are it, for the love of God don’t come to the event at 3 and think you are coming fashionably late…everybody knows not to come before 6.

9. Ladies, this one is for you. It is not OK, under any circumstances, to think that it is cool to wear cowboy boots in the 110-degree desert weather. No, you are not in Austin and the amount of bacteria that is cultivating inside your shit-kickers is probably enough to kill a small village. Or at least the entire Sahara Tent.

10. And last but not least, don’t ever trust any friend who tells you he can make you a VIP or Artist wristband. That might have worked back in the day (aka 2001)…but those days are long gone, Mr Greenberg. Also, don’t bother showing up to the event without an Artist Parking Pass. You might as well not buy a ticket and spend Coachella in the parking lot listening to your eight-track player, watching your fellow ragged commoners.

What a difference a decade makes.

The last time I visited Paris, I was an impressionable (read: sensitive) 17 year old and I left the city with a bitter taste in my mouth thinking the food sucked and the people sucked even more.

Fast forward 12 years, and after a short trip to Amsterdam, it was off to Paris. After having spent a week in Paris, I can confidently say that it is my second favorite European — after Barcelona, naturally. From the palatte-pleasing cuisine (highlighted by dinners at Le Derrière, Hotel du Nord, Hotel Costes) to the awe-inspiring exhibits (Federico Fellini at Jeu De Paume, ‘Art Nouveau Revivial’ and James Ensor at Musée d’Orsay) to the hands-down best shopping on the planet (see: everywhere), Paris was simply magical. Admittedly my daily averages of 13.3 café américains and 3.7 pain du chocolats a day didn’t hurt much. [Where else can you go and see half-naked joggers running thru the courtyards of 400+ year old palaces and museums at all hours of the day?] The only drawback to our trip was the fact that Paris’ main tourist attractions (Versailles, Arc de Triomphe, Louvre, etc.) were shut down due to a worker strike — but all that did was force us to travel the less ‘touristy’ road. The results? Très magnifique.

Art Nouveau at Musée d’Orsay…

…and Art Nouveau in the streets

Inside this armoire? The ‘secret’ smoking room of Le Derriere (Open armoire door, push in the back of armoire, and voila!)

Workers strike outside Louvre. Translation: “F*ck you Gilberto, you uncultured American bastard go home!” Yikes.

View from atop the Eiffel Tower

Shok represented hard in Paris!

Before arriving to Paris, I spent my Saturday in Amsterdam taking in the sights, strolling the canal-lined streets, and mostly trying to keep warm. Gotta love the Dam — been there five times over the past 10 years, and the sheer amounts both coffeeshops, bikes and near accidents never seems to disappoint! Only place in the world you can have dinner at a nice restaurant while being flanked on both sides by two coffeeshops… ummm, come to think of it, sounds a lot like LA. Nevermind that thought!

A perfect day trip indeed, capped by a delicious breakfast on Sunday at a small cafe we stumbled upon called “Meenemen” with a chocolate croissant that was to die for. Off to meet Le Baron!

The ISh on Wednesday was more like an orgy of music flying at my face! TOMMY L33JON3Z & REDSEAN killed it!  The new mix exclusively made for HELLOOOOOO.COM by TOMMYL33JON3Z is insane, I had a chance to check it out before it went up today on the site and let me just say that if that doesn’t make your ass dance then you need a wheelchair.  Took a little twist on the photos for this week — wait till you see next weeks!  Thanks to everyone for coming out!  See you next Wednesday for  BLAKE & BELL, two friends I’ve seen a few times and they always bring it! Check out the rest of the photos from Wednesdays THE ISH by clicking HERE.

FOLLOW ‘THE ISH’ ON TWITTER TO GET INFO ON ALL FUTURE EVENTS, ARTISTS, PHOTOGRAPHY, AND RSVP INFO.

Photos by:  Dustin Hollywood

$3/$4 drinks specials all night :: Door by Sabrina Sauter :: Photography by Dustin Hollywood

NO COVER, NO PRETENSION, NO BULL-ISH

Helloooooo.com is excited about another promotional partnership with The Granada Theater in Dallas, this time for She Wants Revenge on Thursday, September 10. I’m a big fan of ‘She Wants’ and find their music to be of love and imagination, but others have told me their albums (and songs like ’Disconnect’) are depressing and could be categorized as suicide music. Well, those folks are wrong. Whatever your fancy, the show will no doubt be energized and much talked-about.

We will be giving away 2 FREE tickets at random to people who comment on this post. On Monday September 7 we will announce a winner as well as a discount code for online purchasing. Comment away!

Shok and I were excited to get an email late Monday from Max Tannone, the NYC DJ mastermind behind Jaydiohead. He emailed to show some love and to share with us his newest project: Doublecheck Your Head. Straight from the man’s own keyboard:

“In any case, I wanted to share my new project with your blog…I just finished it a few minutes ago.

Beastie Boys – Doublecheck Your Head – www.doublecheckyourhead.com – free streaming / free download

I made the project in support of the Beastie Boys recent reissue of their ‘Check Your Head’ album (one of my personal favorites.) The concept is that the Beastie Boys are mashed up with themselves, rapping over tracks sampling their own instrumentals, with all vocals and sampled elements coming from ‘Check Your Head.’”

So sick! Click the link above or here to hear his newest masterpiece.

We will be there. And with Peaches performing earlier in the evening at Granada, the night promises to get weird. Good weird.

I’m not really sure what to say about this…so I’m just going to share what Wikipedia tought me:

Project Natal (pronounced “na-tall”(IPA: [naˈtal])) is the code name for a “controller-free gaming and entertainment experience” by Microsoft for the Xbox 360 video game platform. Based on an add-on peripheral for the Xbox 360 console, Project Natal enables users to control and interact with the Xbox 360 without the need to touch a game controller, through gestures, spoken commands,[1] or presented objects and images. The project is aimed at broadening the Xbox 360′s audience beyond the hardcore base.[2] Project Natal was first announced June 1 at the 2009 Electronic Entertainment Expo. Microsoft said that over 1000 development kits began shipping to game developers that same day.[2] Microsoft has not revealed any price or release date information for Project Natal.

An approximately nine-inch (23 cm) wide horizontal bar[4] connected to a small circular base with a ball joint pivot, the Project Natal sensor is designed to be positioned lengthwise above or below the video display. The device features an “RGB camera, depth sensor, multi-array microphone, and custom processor running proprietary software”, which provides full-body 3D motion capture, facial recognition, and voice recognition capabilities. The Project Natal sensor’s microphone array enables the Xbox 360 to conduct acoustic source localization and ambient noise suppression, allowing for things such as headset-free party chat over Xbox Live.

The depth sensor consists of an infrared projector combined with a monochrome CMOS sensor, and allows the Project Natal sensor to see in 3D under any lighting conditions.[1] Project Natal is reportedly based on software technology developed internally by Microsoft (gesture recognition, skeletal mapping,[5] facial recognition, voice recognition) and hardware technology acquired by time-of-flight camera developer 3DV Systems.[6][7][8] Before agreeing to sell all its assets in March 2009,[9] 3DV had been preparing a similar device, known as the ZCam.[10]

Is this going to work? By the time it does will I be the dorky dad changing my kids wheels during the pit stop?

Absolute dopeness, for the world’s first Cinema format Television from Philips (21:9). Directed by Adam Berg…

It’s official, like a gangsta with a pistol. The smoking ban instituted last Friday in Dallas bars and pool halls is in full effect.

Resident Chris Alexander, a cigarette smoker, said he would honor the citywide ban by smoking on outdoor decks and patios as allowed under the new regulations. “I’ll keep going to bars in Dallas,” he said to the Morning News. “If they say I can’t smoke inside the bar, I’ll come outside and smoke.” Yaaaah you will Chris — go on with your bad self. And give me a light while you’re at it.

Always one to push the envelope of creativity, Stella McCartney’s magical “Lucky Spot” crystal horse sculpture has been reinstalled in Belsay Castle in the UK. Originally displayed in the castle in 2004, it is back  for the Easter holiday. Stella McCartney was inspired to create Lucky Spot following a visit to Belsay. Her response to this beautiful place with its grand medieval castle and mystical quarry garden was to create something magical, romantic and visually stunning. She designed a jewelled curtain of thousands of Swarovski crystals that hung in the shape of a horse from the ceiling in the Castle’s Great Hall. Simply amazing.

The new collection is in, and I’m obsessed. Especially b/c after a couple years of simple colors they’re finally upping their Pantone book and diving in. Above is my first selection from the spring/summer collection and as soon as the fucking rain stops here in LA they will make their debut. It will be glorious. Gilberto and I were recently discussing the expense aspect of these shoes ($300+), but I’m telling you if you amortize cost over the number of times you wear them, they will turn out to be cheaper than your $100 nikes that everyone has, and infinitely nicer. Trust me, I’m a doctor. More from this collection despues de la salta…

via theunusualsuspects

Boys and girls, it’s getting close to that time…time for the sickest festival of the year, every year. Officially released lineup so start becoming REALLY nice to all your friends whose parents own digs in Palm Springs and start begging everyone you know for VIP Bracelets/Artists Passes/Handicapped Parking Passes. See y’all in Indio.

On January 27, 2009 The Lomographic Society is opening The Lomography Gallery Store in New York City. Located in the bustling, historic Greenwich Village neighborhood of Manhattan, The Lomography Gallery Store New York will provide the whole range of Lomographic products and services, a wide range of analog photography products, and most exciting of all, special and limited edition cameras only available at Lomography stores. (The doc recently got himself a Diana+ and if I had any skills and could actually take pictures that developed, I’m sure they’d look great).

The NYC store will be the biggest and most exciting international destination for all your Lomographic needs and will join Tokyo, Hong Kong, Paris, Beijing, Seoul, Madrid, Barcelona, Sydney, Santiago de Chile and Vienna. More info after the jump…

Check out the largest LomoWall in North America comprised of 35,000 lomographs!

The Lomography Gallery Store features the largest LomoWall in North America, comprised of 35,000 hand-picked and hand-mounted lomographs. The photographs were collected through an online submission call to Lomographers around the world to show us New York through their eyes and lenses. The result is a mind-blowing experience where visitors can submerge themselves in a sea of spectacular Lomographic images of the Big Apple, while exploring the tools – the Lomography products – that created them.

The new location will serve as the New York Lomography Embassy, as well as a destination point for weekly workshops about cameras, analogue photographic techniques, guest speakers, and neighbourhood LomoJourneys where guests can check out loaner cameras to experience the fun of Lomography first hand.

The store will also serve as a gallery and meeting point, featuring events, parties, and exhibitions, including a stop by the Diana World Tour in November 2009 where hundreds of classic Diana cameras from the 60s & 70s will be on display in the USA for the first time ever.