After a great dinner at the Driskill Hotel on Saturday night, we headed to the bar inside the hotel where a band  named Zun Zun Egui was playing and getting real into their music. Once I started videotaping the band the lead singer went crazy on me.  Check out both videos to see what happened, but basically I get into a huge fight with the main guy which ended up  in him tossing his beer at me, and me reciprocating likewise.

A friend who joined us on my recent Croatia trip received the following email from a Frenchman she met at a club one night but whom she never even gave her email address to. Below is word for word the e-mail she received yesterday…

Hi Juliette, it’s Romeo!

How are you? Did your holidays end up well?

Mine were fantastic, even though it took me sometime to understand how such a lovely and well educated young lady could vanish in the air so quickly (watch out for the words i didn’t say rudely, just quickly) in front of his just as much lovely and just as much well educated young wooer. I know the club was aweful and we should have had an ice cream instead, that would have been a lot better. But by the time i got the idea, woops, where is cindirella?

I couldn’t phone your friend, as I lost my phone a couple of days before and I’m still waiting for a new one to be shipped. Hence I cried like a wolf at the gate of your boat (at the sealled gat our love). I should say you owe me one, which is that we’ll get very good friends (what spoiled kids expect to happen must happen). In a perfect world I would invite you for a drink and we would have a random chat about life. In our modern world I can invite you in Second Life to have a coffee (but that’s wierd, quirky no, freaky).

In my world, first i’ll apoligize for sending you an email even if you didn’t give me yours, it’s very invading. Now that I apologize I’ll thank you, because i learnt a word in english thanks to you, which is magnet. Very common I guess, but never used it so far. So sorry for invading your life again, but let’s say that there is some magnetism which pushes me to it. Don’t worry, if I cried like a wolf, my intentions are one of a white lamb. It was great meeting you, whisky and soda girl, I feel we’ll make good friends.

My parents are asking me what are your parents doing?

Just got to London today and before I even made it to my hotel people were thinking I was with the paparazzi. Why? Because staged out front of  ‘The Mayfair’ the real paparazzi were waiting to snap a picture of Peaches Geldof. Who? That is exactly what I asked the paparazzo before I walked off. After we settled in, we had lunch at Wagamama and then hit the streets shopping and eventually made it to Camden Market where we chilled by the water and saw the sunset. Tonight Maddox club in London and tomorrow Split, Croatia.

I almost caused a four-car pileup trying to chase this dude’s truck on Turtle Creek (aka Wilshire Blvd of Dallas). Hmmmm… SMU Business School graduate, unable to find a job via “normal” avenues, desperate enough to turn his car into a mobile craigslist ad. It’s official folks: the recession has hit Texas!

Last night I had the pleasure of attending “The King of Clubs 2009″ awards party at Wish Ultra-lounge and you would not believe the  A-Lister’s who attended this one. The event awarded the top clubs in the Dallas area except I’m not quite sure who was part of the whole “selection committee.” Surrounded by actual strippers and stripper-like waitresses, I felt like I was back in Las Vegas. Luckily I had two bombshell brunettes shielding me from the grease. Not bad for a Tuesday but after a week in Sin City please spare me the fake boobs and fried bleached-blond hair. At least until Friday.

After spending the majority of my morning behind the computer I decided to meet up with a friend and cruise around town. Our first stop: Opening Ceremony, one of my favorite places to shop whether in LA or NYC. As soon as I walked in I was struck by this beautiful half-naked girl who I could have sworn I recognized from somewhere.

After walking around for a little and going upstairs to Suite 12 trying to find that perfect item for Coachella my friend broke it to me that the half-naked girl was actually Mischa Barton. (Yawn). To be honest, I could care less except that I had to wait behind her to pay at the register. Thank God for the fact that little Hilton was there walking around because I was about to lose it and punch Ms. Barton in the face after having to hear her whiny comments. The girl would not shut up about the paparazzi catching her picture sporting some stupid cream bag that’s worth blah blah blah and how shes normally doesn’t wear blah blah blah and how she is going to get paid for it. As if I’m not already annoyed I had to wait behind her as the girl’s stupid credit card got declined for $7,000! Thinking I couldn’t take it any longer I eventually escaped from the store to avoid her shit. Total buzz kill I tell you. On a good note however I did get some sick shorts and a t-shirt that now that I think about it, is pretty lame. It reads: “Trashin’ ON THE NORTH SHORE IS NOT RAD”. Just another day in sunny LA.

This funniness came in a chain email I actually decided to read rather than auto-delete.

You know you live in Hollywood when….

- You’ve seen someone tip a bathroom attendant with a line

- Your 16 year old sister can get into more clubs than you can

- Your 16 year old sister slept with a guy who was on a season of The Real World… that aired when she was 7

- If you’re a girl… you can’t remember the last time you dated a guy under 35

- If you’re a guy… you can’t remember the last time you dated a girl over the age of 19

- You are reading this right now thinking that you probably should have carded her to be sure she was REALLY 19

- You’ve found yourself awake at stranger’s house in hills at 6:45am on a Tuesday morning snapping pictures of the sunrise with your cell phone… and didn’t think anything strange of it

- You have the addresses of several popular afterhours party spots programmed in your phone though you’ve never even met the owners of the houses

- You secretly go to the Saddle Ranch on Friday and Saturday nights to pick up on tourists

- Nearly every girl you know has had the same creepy old guy offer to take her “shopping”

- You’ve gone out to dinner with someone to “talk business” only to discover that the so-called “agent” was only interested in casting himself into your pants

- You can spot a fake Louis Vutton bag from a mile away

- You think any car worth less than 100K is a bucket

- You’ve dated someone you met at Whole Foods

- Fountain St. has changed your life

- You can name 3 of Paris Hilton’s cars

- Everyone you know is either LOADED or FLAT BROKE

- You hate The Hills but you watch it anyways

- You’ve told someone you eat at Urth Caffe more often than you actually do because you thought it will get them to think you were cool… and it worked!
- You wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything Ed Hardy (Though you still can’t bring yourself to throw away the trucker hat)

- You have a friend who thinks they are a celebrity because they were caught in the background of a TMZ video

- You get more “promoter texts” on a Monday than people who live in other cities get in a month

- You have a 944 photo as your myspace/facebook default pic, but secretly wish it was one of those cool Wire Image ones with your name on the bottom

- You actually DO have a Wire Image photo as your default pic, and therefore feel like you’ve
finally “made it”!

- You don’t even blink when a 60-year-old man gets into Les Deux before you do

- Getting “back to nature” is a visit to Runyon Canyon

- You open up a playboy and see the girl who was doing lines off of your counter/cock/boobs the night before

- You see Ralph from the Scorpions more often than you see your own parents

- You know at least one Pink Dot driver by name

- You would never date someone with an 818 phone number… for good reason

- When watching Entourage or the Hills you get excited when they go to a restaurant or club you’ve been to… and it makes you feel like you are cooler than your friends who live in shitty places like Cleveland.
- You spend the first 10 minutes of your work day deleting Facebook evites

- You become secretly FURIOUS when a friend of yours throws their birthday party
at a club that is no longer “cool”, knowing you might actually be seen there

- You or people you know actually believe Chin Chin’s to be good chinese food
- It starts raining and everyone forgets how to drive

- The club you went to last night has had 3 different names in the last 9 months

- You have happily waited over 30 minutes in line to eat off of the Kogi roach coach

- You partied with AM when he was fat, Jessica Simpson when she was skinny, and Lance Bass when he was straight

- 50 year old rich guys are constantly whisking your girlfriends away to Cabo

- If you are female, upon arriving in Hollywood, you are handed a script to recite should you get stuck waiting outside of a club. It goes something like this, “OMGGG this is soooo stupid, I like NEVER wait outside of a club. Ugh. Omg. Fuck this. I’m leaving… In 5 more minutes.”

- If you are male, you don’t know what they are talking about because although you have been there 3 weeks in a row you have yet to see the inside of the club

- You have taken a 5 minute cab ride that somehow cost 25 dollars

- Although you can crack the velvet rope of any nightclub in the city within seconds… every Sunday you still find yourself waiting 20 minutes to get a table at Toast

Bernard L Madoff pleaded guilty today to 11 counts of fraud, money laundering, perjury and theft. The son-of-a-gun was placed immediately in jail after having his bail revoked. Sentencing is a couple months away but it seems like the story will end without the climax we had hoped for; no trial, no shame, no cursing from distraught ex-clients in the back of the courtroom. And so we bid farewell to the second most famous Bernie of all time. Of course the first is probably somewhere in Aruba, bouncing along to a tropical beat. (Image from NYTimes.com)

With nearly a quarter of the year over and spring just a few weeks away we can all agree it has been an interesting start to the year. And with the economy nearly kaputz and people being laid off left and right we have seen more and more people getting desperate for ”Mo Money”.  Just the other day after a father from Austin, Texas was laid off he decided to ”think outside the box” as he called it and put his entire family up for auction on eBay. The starting bid you may ask…only $50,000. I emailed the father for clarification because I’m not sure if by winning that would mean I owned the family, as in they are my slaves or if this is just some weird, sick gimmick.

Just came across a very interesting article in the LABJ about The King of Pop planning to auction off 2,000+ personal items in a four-day auction (April 22 to 25) at The Beverly Hilton Hotel, in Los Angeles. Among the many sick and twisted items that will be up for grabs: dozens of statues of laughing, frolicking children (for real); the iron gates to Neverland Ranch; dozens of arcade games, flight simulators, pinball machines and nickelodeons; the 1954 Cadillac Fleetwood limousine used in the film “Driving Miss Daisy”; multiple suits of armor; ornate, 10-foot-tall candelabras; go-karts, bumper cars, buggies and all-terrain vehicles; and a selection of British military uniforms. No word yet on whether Michael will be getting rid of his infamous his hyperbaric oxygen chamber.

As Cat Stevens once crooned. “Ohhh baby baby, it’s a wild world.” Yes, a wild world full of sick, bored people indeed. Welcome to “creative grooming,” aka Sandy Paws’ Pet Grooming Shop. In case you couldn’t tell, that dog above is sculpted as Leonardo, from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Look again….now you get it. After the jump we have several other wonderful treats, including a dragon, a rooster and my personal favorite, a camel.

Seems like our silly friends across The Pond are up to no good again. The UK has been rocked by news of 13-year-old Alfie Patten and his girlfriend Chantelle Steadman having a baby. The best part? The boy looks like he’s six. The other best part? The girlfriend’s mom claims that her daughter was a virgin until she got knocked up by Boy Wonder. I am not one to judge but I get awfully strong “yaahhhhhhhhhhh right” vibes when I look into this girls, ummm, eyes.

At an age where most boys are content masturbating and playing video games, this kid apparently wants to raise a child he can go through puberty with. According to a close friend, “[Alfie's] a natural with babies.” Right. Probably because he can see eye to eye with ‘em….

(Photo courtesy of Dallas Morning News)

I was driving to class yesterday and just as I was about to pull into SMU (Southern Methodist University) I see some people with barrage of signs which I was almost certain were welcoming Ex-President Bush back to Texas…..guess again. Instead these were protesters with signs that read “W = Worst president,” “W= War Crimes,” “W= Is Not Welcome here!” Now I am definitely no Bush supporter – or lover for that matter – but these people are no better than W himself and the same people that probably put him into power. Do you people not have lives or work to attend? Has the results of the past 8 years of your support made you so angry you feel like you need to get a last minute protest in? I really hope these backward thinking people wake up from their comas and realize they need to move on.  We have a new President and his name is OBAMA!

Click here to help Bush pack.