At about 1 am last night, I went a little mad as I realized my keys — my life — were missing. Goddammit. I frantically searched everywhere in sight, but no sign of them. Finally, I narrowed it down: the only place they could be was TABC, the bar I had left my car at early in the evening before making my way around town.

This morning, I hitched a ride to TABC and ask the first dude I saw inside for my keys. “What kind of car?” he asked, and when I replied “Jeep,” he responded with a disgusted smirk that seemed to say “jerk off” and “you’re a dumb shit” both at once. Next thing you know, dude brings out my keys, with a note on them that reads: “Keys to Jeep out front left running for hours!” Go figure, I had left my car running for 5+ hours until one of the workers was closing the bar and noticed the engine running. Hands down dumbest move of the century.

Tags: bar, Dallas, fucking idiot, hangover, Jeep, keys, late night, overnight, TABC