The Pinnacle of Perversion: 13-Year-Old Brit Has Kid

Seems like our silly friends across The Pond are up to no good again. The UK has been rocked by news of 13-year-old Alfie Patten and his girlfriend Chantelle Steadman having a baby. The best part? The boy looks like he’s six. The other best part? The girlfriend’s mom claims that her daughter was a virgin until she got knocked up by Boy Wonder. I am not one to judge but I get awfully strong “yaahhhhhhhhhhh right” vibes when I look into this girls, ummm, eyes.

At an age where most boys are content masturbating and playing video games, this kid apparently wants to raise a child he can go through puberty with. According to a close friend, “[Alfie's] a natural with babies.” Right. Probably because he can see eye to eye with ‘em….